Living in the Midst of it All

IMG_0823Each time the wind blows, a handful of leaves dance and spin as they fall. As the world turns around the big topics, sometimes it’s the small details that matter.

A cup of tea shared with Karyn after weeks on the road.

The orange pumpkin at my neighbor’s door.

Stepping into a steamy bath scented with red spikenard as I let the lists go for an hour on a busy afternoon.

Its good to notice the little things at moments like these. I’ve been to the first of two funerals this week. In addition, I am working on a blog that started with one small topic—radiation dangers of cell phones—and has exploded into something that touches so many of the problems in our world and fills me with shrapnel of fear. The blog, and my emotions around the topic, are too raw to post yet.

I am tempted to be silent and delete my current draft. After all, I’ve avoided this topic for several years, so why proceed now? I feel the pull of despair, something I know can stop me from taking action.

My wrestling brings me back to the central question of my life—how do I remain steady, walking forward with an open heart as things crumble around me?

I’ve been on this road for a long time.

I don’t know what I thought I was writing about when I began working on Big Topics at Midnight nine years ago. Every step of the way I uncovered information—some personal, some ancestral, some historical, some cultural—that shook the ground under my feet. Each time I had to stop writing and trying to figure it all out and instead tap into a far deeper way of knowing. I used all of my tools—prayer, journaling, collage, essential oils, vibrational essences, cards, leaning against trees, talking to friends … In addition, I stopped to notice the beauty all around me: falling leaves, pumpkins and shared cups of tea. Slowly but surely I found the ground under my feet and continued writing.

I know I can walk that journey from fear to clarity again. When the timing is right, I’ll be able to return to working on the blog I’m not yet ready to share.

Grace is found in the big topics and in the little details of life. Both are part of life. I am called to dance between the two and experience joy, as well as fear, and hope, as well as grief.

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